Control Dramas

Control dramas or archetypes are role plays / mind games that we often play out in everyday situations and relationships in order to feel in control. We developed these from our relationship with our family in our early years.

Here I'll cover the basics of the four control dramas that we play out during daily life, as identified by James Redfield in 'The Celestine Prophecy'.


Intimidator - On the verge of exploding, threatening, strict, gave orders, inflexible, angry, self-centered, made you feel afraid.

Interrogator - Probed to see what you were doing; critical, undermining, needling, infallible logic, sarcasm, monitored you. can be sceptical, sarcastic, self-righteous, perfectionist


Poor me - Always saw the negative, looked for problems, always talking about being busy or tired, made you feel guilty for not solving her problems. Pull attention by sighing, trembling, crying, Victim stance

Aloof - tended to be distant, busy, away from home, not too interested in your life, unresponsive, secretive, preoccupied.

For example

When your dad, in an interrogating tone says

"where were you last night?"

You may feel guilty, for no reason and blush, (poor me, victim)

or you may just walk away (aloof)

or you may say back,"what about you?" (interrogating)

or what do you care?! (poor me)

if you are cheeky and sarcastic you may say, "I went out, got drunk and had a sex orgy"

If you are centred you will answer back honestly and objectively - "yes dad, thank you for asking, I was at a night club with .........and we had a great time

or perhaps, if it is too much,

yes dad, thank you for your concern

When we were young we developed ways of getting attention from our parents

Our main control drama/ s was/ were formed in the early years of family life.


Certain dramas match different dramas.

eg. If dad was an Intimidator- you are may act 'poor me' back

Also if mum was an interrogator, you are likely to be aloof to her.


You may have friends or children who are constantly craving attention and are restless. You may get stressed quite easily by these people.

Look at yourself - why am I letting myself get stressed? what can I learn? How to best react?

These beings need love and attention. However this is not easy as children can be very manipulative.

We need to be loving but firm. Children feel more comfortable with boundaries and limits.

The balance between acceptance and ruthless compassion.


I think many people play out at two if not all four of these dramas but just pick the main drama or two that you feel developed as a result of your early family life.

Dramas are seen a way of gaining energy from the other party involved. Once you are aware of the dramas you can overcome them and look for deeper meaning in an argument / discussion / situtation.

The trick is to realize when you are acting out a particular drama, name it, and don't fall into the hands of somebody else's drama.

In fact this alertness - vigilance / awareness of when you are either playing a role, talking from ego, off balance is very important

This is the second witness, the awareness one needs to develop.

This is slightly different to being self conscious. However the level We need clarity, focus, concentration and alertness

It often most difficult to see your own control dramas/ ego ask a friend to help.

Ask yourselves these questions;

What is the control drama showing me that I most need to know right now?

Do I need to set better limits in the beginning of encounters?

Do I take events personally when they are not really about me?

Do I try to press an advantage when I see weakness in the other?

Dealing with others

As usual don't like in others, what don't like about self

what to do - change, accept fully, or walk away -

laugh at comment / situation

compromise, but not on principles

change subject = like a spider

madry glupiemu zawsze ustapy

(be diplmomatic)

act from centre - not trying to manipulate

use different role to keep centred - however this is usually ends up in a vicious circle

can be conscious , sub-conscious manipulation

2 on 1

be aware of mirror situations

don't like in others what you don't like about yourself

be detached from being centred

Are you getting wound up?

Poor me? sensitive? Insecure?

Alternative Classifications

There are also parent Ego, Child Ego, Adult Ego states which are related to control dramas.

Parallels can be made with the 'Agressor, Victim and someone who always try to keep everyone happy 'triangle. There are many different types of people.

eg. 7 rays (see Dr. J. Stone)

or Carl Jung's archetypes

Awareness is the key

There are hundreds of different archetypes / dramas but the ego is the underlying factor that needs to be in awareness.

Learning about archetypes is useful in finding out more about yourself. But be careful because we can project what we want to see. We see / hear what we want to see / hear.

Become aware of the control dramas people constantly play out - soon you may realize that most people are self hypnotised and are continuosly in a control drama / ego situation.

Be aware of the different energy sucking roles and ideally don't not to fall into playing the game. Most Spiritual seekers go through the "know it all" ego stage. They just parrot scriptures and don't practise what they preach. Be careful.

The wise man would be aware of these roles and how they interact. Then the wise man would use whichever role was best suited for any particular situation - for the good of all - win-win.

So the key is to be aware of the roles, use them for the highest good of all and not be attached to the particular role being played out.


It is better not to get upset and annoyed with family / friends - they may be just playing out a role so that we can learn lessons and pay off karma. We don't know their orders from above.

Afterall our friends, and indeed ourselves, are victims of our bad habits / control dramas. We aren't even aware of it.

However with awareness these habits dissolve and we replace them with positive actions.

If you do, do so with awareness.

Try it out - you will feel energised!

I will tell you more in the questionnaire results.

I see that these control dramas are fear & negative ego based. Once you become aware of ego and strengthen your connection to the divine within / centre you stop playing these roles - you no longer need the energy from others. Then you start sending energy to others and strenthening their connection to their own centre.

However when we are tired, hung over or hungry we are much more likely to get stressed quickly and easily.

That is why we need to regularly eat healthy, excersize and sleep properly as well as be hygienic, serene, moral and ethical.

hence no more stress, suffering only love, awareness and bliss!

However this will not happen over night. Much needs to be understood, and unlearned.

"Dark tea needs much milk"

Bad karmic actions in the past need to be paid off and good karma can be accumulated towards the good of all sentient beings and enlightenment.

Lama Yeshe says:

"...we waste time when we participate in self-pity and the fearful "I".

"As long as we consciously or unconsciously believe that we are impure, the
self-pitying imagination will always be present, and we then do self-pitying
actions because we are emanating self-pitying vibrations."

"Enlightenment, the total absence of self-pitying imagination, is the
universal Truth of all beings - So, let go, be aware, and comprehend this
fundamental nature."

related reading:


related articles: dealing with negative neighbours and negative egos

related pages:
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